Is She the One?

Many of you singles want to walk in wisdom when considering marriage. I thank God for your attitude. It’s a great attitude to have. I’d like to share with you something I read, lest we get cold feet for marriage… Here is Elisabeth Eliot’s reply to a young man who kept falling in and out of love:

About this business of falling out of love. Everybody does it, you know. Sometimes before they get married, but always afterwards. Modern folks simply bug out of the marriage then, if they feel no obligation to keep vows – vows made foolishly, they believe.

There is something to be said for making an adult choice and sticking with it. “Being in love,” wrote C.S. Lewis in Mere Christianity, “is a good thing, but it is not the best thing. There are many things below it, but there are also things above it. You cannot make it the basis of a whole life. It is a noble feeling, but it is still a feeling. Now no feeling can be relied on to last in its full intensity, or even to last at all … In fact, the state of being in love usually does not last…. But of course ceasing to be ‘in love’ need not mean ceasing to love. Love… is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by the grace which both partners ask and receive from God…. They can retain this love even when each would easily, if they allowed themselves, be ‘in love’ with someone else. ‘Being in love’ first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep their promise. It is on this love that the engine of marriage is run: being in love was the explosion that started it.

So, Philpott, one of these days you need to take a cool, clear look at a good Christian woman. Assess her potentials as a good Christian wife. Is she the kind you’d want as a hostess at your table? Is she what you want for a mother for your children? Is she womanly? Godly? Sensible? Modest? Companionable? Do you think she’s “worth” your love? Are you worth hers? (If you think you are, you’re probably wrong. Each is to esteem the other better than himself.) Is it God’s time for you to get married? Then make up your mind and ask God’s help to love her as she ought to be loved!

You said, “One never knows which way the Lord will lead,” and that’s true. He just might be telling you to “be not as the horse, or as the mule, which have no understanding…” (Psalm 32:9) and get with it.

Don’t get me wrong. I have no idea that Cheryl is The Woman. Don’t know a thing about her except that you said she’s gorgeous. That isn’t enough. But if you’re looking for some kind of feeling that will be consistent day in and day out, forget it. The kind of love that sustains a marriage is God given, but is also a daily choice. For the rest of your life. Never forget that.

You have to choose the woman, with all the brains and good sense you’ve got, plus all the other methods of knowing what God wants of you (you’ve read my little book, A Slow and Certain Light, about guidance, haven’t you?) and then make your move. You have my prayers. – Chapter 42 of Passion and Purity

Eliot’s response helps us consider whether we are walking in wisdom or not. I need to look for a wife who is respectful, gentle, loving and kind (considers others better than herself), and moral (someone who has repented of immorality and has changed her lifestyle).

(Single Christians must consider whom they will marry carefully. You may want to check out these sermons: Wife Seekers Beware, Part 1, Wife Seekers Beware, Part 2)

Hope in the Revelation of God’s Glory

As a law student, they have trained me to be a skeptic. The truth is not always as it appears. I am taught to read between the lines, to grasp the larger picture. Why did that criminal defendant use that defense? How did Jane die? What really happened? This class room skepticism has a tendency to be carried into all of my life. While some skepticism is healthy and needed to guard truth, I must not forget that there is “truth.” My foundation for truth is God’s revelation. Jesus Christ and God’s word provide an alternative to skepticism:

Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
my salvation and my God. – Psalm 42:5-6

The gospel would require that Christians have hope and faith, even in trials.

Believing this truth would have profound effects on our lives. Take for example, a typical marriage conflict. Marriages in America are in trouble. As marriages break apart, society will face a greater magnitude of its current problems. Marriages fail when a spouse has given up hope. Spouses must remember that God is in the business of changing people and that he has the power to do so. (Phil 1:4) When one partner reasons that his spouse will never change, he has forgotten the Biblical command to hope in God.

The church needs to offer hope to the hurting world. There is hope for a hurting world because the gospel, the good news of Jesus Christ, is that he is in the business of redeeming a fallen world. He is in the business of reconciliation and is at work, redeeming sinners. His hand is powerful and effective and his work will one day be fully consummated. In the context of marriage, this hope should give us faith to believe that BOTH oneself and one’s spouse can be changed by the gospel.

Counselors must not forget that redeemed people can change and treat them as unregenerate, “slaves to sin.” Preparing for a negative response in a person would be wisdom, but expecting the worst would be foolishness (and perhaps a self-fulfilling prophecy?)

So what is a Christian’s hope? How can we view situations we face with the eyes of faith and hope?

We must remember that the gospel is not a matter of talk, but of power. (1 Corinthians 4:20, 1 Thessalonians 1:5) We must place our hope in Christ, not in our ability to change the situation. Colosians 1:27 describes Christ in us, as the Christians hope of glory.

Romans 5 explains that our hope is not grounded in ourselves, but in God’s love and in the revelation of His glory. This hope comes through in sufferings and trials. The ESV says this hope does not put us to shame. Another version describes it as hope that does not disappoint.

Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. – Romans 5:1-5

If we believe in God’s power, we would follow His command to pray continually.

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. – 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

What does this hope produce in us? Answer: Rejoicing!

In the context of marriage conflicts, spouses should pray earnestly for God’s glory to be revealed through a revelation of His power. God’s power can be seen through His hand in repentance and reconciliation. These are gifts from a merciful God. Spouses should ask God for forgiveness if they have given up hope in their marriage. To lack hope is to lack faith. God will help our unbelief if we cry out to him! Next, spouses must look at their own contribution to the conflict before trying to help their spouse. Only when a spouse has faith and looks at his own heart, can he start the process of helping the other out.

Praise be to God who has given us this ministry of reconciliation.

I Thank My God for You

In Philippians, Paul starts out by saying: “I thank my God in all my remembrance of you!” Lately, I’ve been reminded of the depth of relationships Christians can have because we are “in Christ.”

We are in Christ. With God’s love, peace, and grace, our fellowship with one another should be a great source of joy in our loves. Richness, unity, and depth in relationships is possible because Christ has given us the ministry of reconciliation.

So I will say this: I’m thankful to God for all those who care for me. These include my parents, college friends, and church buddies who care for my spiritual and physical well-being. Thank you for your prayers and concern for my life. Glory to God!

Fellowship: what a foretaste of the consummation of the joy that we will experience when Christ returns!

John Piper and David Powlison, in applying Biblical truth to their battles with cancer, write:

John Piper: You will waste your cancer if you let it drive you into solitude instead of deepen your relationships with manifest affection.

When Epaphroditus brought the gifts to Paul sent by the Philippian church he became ill and almost died. Paul tells the Philippians, “He has been longing for you all and has been distressed because you heard that he was illâ€? (Philippians 2:26-27). What an amazing response! It does not say they were distressed that he was ill, but that he was distressed because they heard he was ill. That is the kind of heart God is aiming to create with cancer: a deeply affectionate, caring heart for people. Don’t waste your cancer by retreating into yourself.

David Powlison: Our culture is terrified of facing death. It is obsessed with medicine. It idolizes youth, health and energy. It tries to hide any signs of weakness or imperfection. You will bring huge blessing to others by living openly, believingly and lovingly within your weaknesses. Paradoxically, moving out into relationships when you are hurting and weak will actually strengthen others. ‘One anothering’ is a two-way street of generous giving and grateful receiving. Your need gives others an opportunity to love. And since love is always God’s highest purpose in you, too, you will learn his finest and most joyous lessons as you find small ways to express concern for others even when you are most weak. A great, life-threatening weakness can prove amazingly freeing. Nothing is left for you to do except to be loved by God and others, and to love God and others.

Sorrowful, Yet Always Rejoicing

In the Gospel of John, Jesus promises that the Holy Spirit will be our Helper, to be with us forever. He will dwell with us and will be in us. We will not be left as orphans. (John 14:16-18) As Christians, we take comfort in knowing that we will not be abandoned by God.

Jesus tells us that it is to our advantage that He depart, for else the Holy Spirit would not come to us. (John 16:7ff) The Spirit will convict the world concerning sin and righteousness and judgment. In addition to that, the spirit will guide believers. I take great joy in knowing that the Spirit will guide me into all the truth. (John 16:13) Knowing my wandering ways, this is a great encouragement to me.

The Spirit also gives us peace and removes our worries.

But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. – John 14:26-27

The Bible is very realistic. It tells us we will face trials. (“In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” – John 16:33.)

While we must not demand to know all of God’s Sovereign ways in order to trust in him, it is comforting to remember that God uses suffering to help us know Him more — the only source of true joy, peace, and hope. This is an act of grace and love.

In the end, our joy will be consummated! Scripture offers us a great illustration with birthing imagery:

You will be sorrowful, but your sorrow will turn into joy. When a woman is giving birth, she has sorrow because her hour has come, but when she has delivered the baby, she no longer remembers the anguish, for joy that a human being has been born into the world. So also you have sorrow now, but I will see you again and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you. In that day you will ask nothing of me. Truly, truly, I say to you, whatever you ask of the Father in my name, he will give it to you. Until now you have asked nothing in my name. Ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be full. – John 16:20-24

John Piper describes how present suffering will be used for God’s glory, both in the present and in the future:

Paul makes the astonishing statement in 2 Corinthians 6:10 that what marks his life and should mark ours is “sorrowful, yet always rejoicing.”? This is what makes our sorrow godly. I do not claim that this experience is simple or that we can even put it into adequate words—what it means to be joyful in sorrow. Heaving sobs at the loss of a loved one does not look like joy. Indeed is not joy in its fullness, as we will know it when “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning nor crying nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away”? (Revelation 21:4).

Rather the joy that endures through sorrow is the foretaste of that future joy in God which we hope for in the future. When Jesus was “very sorrowful, even to death”? in Gethsemane he was sustained by “the joy that was set before him”? (Hebrews 12:2). This does not mean that he felt in the garden or on the cross all that he would feel in the resurrection. But it does mean that he hoped in it and that this hope was an experienced foretaste of that joy.

Therefore, we groan here, waiting for the redemption of our bodies and for the removal of all our sins (Romans 8:23). This groaning and grieving is godly if it is molded by our delight in hope of glory (Romans 5:2-3). The delight is muffled by the pain. But it is there in seed form. It will one day grow into a great vine that yields wine of undiluted delight.

So let us embrace whatever sorrow God appoints for us. Let us not be ashamed of tears. Let the promise that joy comes with the morning (Psalm 30:5) sustain and shape our grief with power and goodness of God. – Piper

Trust is a decision. May I learn to trust and hope in my Sovereign God.

Implications of Fear and Trembling

Philippians 2:12 talks about a “fear and trembling” that the “beloved” are to have before God.

What does this fear of God entail? Need we fear God’s punishment? Before I answer this question, the answer may very well turn on semantics and how we define our words. For me, I define punishment with more of a connotation of wrath and retribution. For me, punishment is different than discipline. I raise the following question: Need we fear God’s wrath (punishment)? I propose the following answer: we need not!

I believe God takes sin seriously.

The LORD is a jealous and avenging God; the LORD takes vengeance and is filled with wrath. The LORD takes vengeance on his foes and maintains his wrath against his enemies. – Nahum 1:2

But as children of God, are we the Lord’s enemies? Surely not!

Colossians 1:20 describes Jesus Christ the reconciler as one who made “peace by the blood of his cross.” (See also Ephesians 2:16.) Christians know that we are saved by faith alone… not by any of our works. This is only possible because the wrath of God has been satisfied in Jesus Christ. He was a propitiation for our sins. (Hebrews 2:17, Romans 3:25) The wrath of God against our sins has been totally and fully satisfied in Christ. He became a curse for us on the cross. What love!

In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. – 1 John 4:10

So in what sense are we to have fear and trembling? We should have a fear and trembling that embraces the knowledge that God is holy and that we are his children now, saved from his holy wrath. We should NOT take our salvation for granted, but instead, make sure that our calling and election is sure. (2 Peter 1:10) For it is those who endure to the end that show forth that they are truely God’s own. If we are not walking in obedience to God, we may not be true Christians. “For no good tree bears bad fruit, nor again does a bad tree bear good fruit.” (Luke 6:43)

Sin is simply stupid. Sin has inbuilt negative consequences. We will reap the inbuilt consequences of our sin. (Psalms 32) But another consequence of our sin is this: our Holy God will discipline us out of love to restore us to Him.

And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons?

“My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord,
nor be weary when reproved by him.
For the Lord disciplines the one he loves,
and chastises every son whom he receives.

It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. – Hebrews 12:5-8

Oh how kind and merciful of God to discipline us!

At the same time, we need not fear God’s wrath.

Writing in the Old Testament, before Christ died, Micah says it this way:

Rejoice not against me, O mine enemy: when I fall, I shall arise; when I sit in darkness, the LORD shall be a light unto me.
I will bear the indignation of the LORD, because I have sinned against him, until he plead my cause, and execute judgment for me: he will bring me forth to the light, and I shall behold his righteousness. – Micah 7:8-9 (ESV)

John Piper describes Micah’s statement as one exhibiting “gutsy guilt.” We should have a fear and trembling before God, knowing that God is holy. He has saved us from his wrath. When we sin, we can stand before God and ask for grace and forgiveness because of Christ. We are to stand in faith and hope, with trembling awe of his holiness and love.

Psalms 2:11-12 puts it this way: (Note the words I have italicized, indicating the positive aspects of a proper fear and trembling before an awesome God.)

Serve the LORD with fear
and rejoice with trembling.

Kiss the Son, lest he be angry
and you be destroyed in your way,
for his wrath can flare up in a moment.
Blessed are all who take refuge in him.

Reflections on Wisdom

Wisdom is the use of knowledge. To know is not to be wise. Many men know a great deal, and are all the greater fools for it. There is no fool so great a fool as a knowing fool. But to know how to use knowledge is to have wisdom. – Charles Spurgeon

We have heard the popular question: What would Jesus do? But wisdom is more than knowing what Jesus would do. It is doing it. Without a real and personal fear of God, there is no wisdom. (Proverbs 9:10) For even the demons are familiar with Jesus Christ.

Our need for wisdom is great. Wisdom is not only needed for the tough decisions of life (like who I should marry or what career I should pursue). It is needed in the seemingly insignificant decisions of life (such as how I should allocate my time to study and pray, to build others up, to enjoy leisure and how I might weed out sin and avoid temptations).

Wisdom should impact all of our lives. A few examples will show how pervasive wisdom should be. Wisdom would have us:
1. See the big picture of God’s redemption and not get caught up in the temporary. (Phil 1:6, Matthew 6:25-34, Luke 12:31-32)
2. Endure trials and tribulations, looking forward to heaven. (1 Peter 1:6,9, James 1)
3. Be doers of the word, not just hearers. (James 1:22, Psalm 111:10, Luke 11:28)
4. Forsake our idolatry and enjoy God’s grace. (Jonah 2:8)
5. Pursue holiness (1 Peter 1:13ff), love God and others (Matthew 22:37-40) and do good.

My need for wisdom is great. For example, I need wisdom to run the race of the Christian life with perseverance, to endure law school, to study diligently, and to walk by faith. I need to remember God’s awesome provision on the cross and His promise to meet all my needs through Christ Jesus. (Phil 4:19) Will I waste my life and pursue earthly pleasures or will I answer wisdom’s call and pursue God’s glory?

Wisdom calls me to see God’s bigger plan and to partake in it. It also calls me to enjoy and relax in God’s providence.

Here is our comfort: if we earnestly seek to know Christ, we will become wise. When we see God, we become like him. (1 John 3:2) Who is this God that we become like? He is the God of all wisdom. In Christ is “hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.” (Col 2:2b-3)

In essense, when we ask God for wisdom (James 1:5), we are asking God to reveal himself to us and make us more like him, since he alone is all wise.

Seek the Lord while he may be found — and among the gifts of pardon and forgiveness, you will find wisdom freely given. What a great motivation to study the Gospels — to encounter the wisdom and person of Jesus Christ!

In the past, God spoke through prophets, but in the last days, the Son has been revealed to us in the flesh. The Lord, in his mercy towards us, has provided the Scriptures for our salvation and as a guide to proper living. These are things into which angels long to look. (1 Peter 1:10-12) Let us seek the Lord– immortal, invisible, God only wise.

SDG.

Where Your Treasure Is, There Your Heart Will Be Also

If you are hung up on money you may not even be a Christian, because people in Christ’s Kingdom are laying up treasure in heaven — investing in eternity. – John MacArthur

The preachers I have heard are right. It will take a massive outpouring of God’s grace to free us from the grasp of capitalism.

While reading my case book for Income Tax, I have run into many disputes involving significant amounts of capital. At first, I am tempted towards greed and am astonished at the figures involved. That much money in 1941 would mean millions today! But after pondering it a little longer, I can’t help but notice the larger picture… if the case was decided in 1941, these rich men are most likely already dead. I hope these men did not put their trust in their wealth.

How foolish I am to place my treasure in this world. “The world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever.” (1 John 1:17.)

So what is the alternative?

I propose that we treasure what is worthy of being treasured! Scripture describes Christ’s preeminence this way:

He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation. For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities–all things were created through him and for him. And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together. And he is the head of the body, the church. He is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, that in everything he might be preeminent. For in him all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making peace by the blood of his cross. – Col 1:15-20

I must remember that I am to live my life to serve Christ, not myself. He is the Creator, worthy of all praise. My worth is found in being in Christ. I forget this. I believe that I see a need to attach $$ signs to the hours I put in…. thinking that my worth is found in how much I make each hour. But no, I must delight in and do what God calls me to do.

“Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain.” – 1 Corinthians 15:58

Let us remember the following truths:
- Placing our trust in this world is foolishness. – Luke 12:13-21
- Everything we have comes from God. – 1 Corinthians 4:7
- God will provide for all my needs in Christ Jesus. – Phil 4:19
- He will never leave me nor forsake me. – Hebrews 13:5
- The Lord loves a cheerful giver. – 2 Corinthians 9:7
- I can encourage others in the faith by showing them where my treasure is. – Phil 1:21-25
- Christ is the supreme treasure. – Col 1:15-20
- We are rich! or rather, we who are in Christ Jesus are rich. – 2 Corinthians 8:9
- I can take part in the joy and privilege of serving the Lord by what I do with my time and what I have. – Col 3:23
(The world is watching us and they can tell where our priorities are placed.)

Were the whole realm of nature mine, That were a present far too small; Love so amazing, so divine, Demands my soul, my life, my all. – When I Survey the Wondrous Cross

What God Begins, He Completes

As Christians, there may be times when we doubt our salvation. But Christians can take comfort that God is faithful to us, despite our ability to waiver. While this is not a licence to abuse grace, it as a truth we must grasp and hold on to for comfort and strength to persevere. I’ll stop talking now and let scripture speak for itself.

And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. – Philippians 1:6

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. – Hebrews 12:1-2

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified…. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation (including ourselves), will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.Romans 8:28-29, 38-39

My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand. – John 10:27-28

For by a single offering he has perfected for all time those who are being sanctified.Hebrews 10:14

Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.Hebrews 5:13

But I am not ashamed, for I know whom I have believed, and I am convinced that he is able to guard until that Day what has been entrusted to me.2 Timothy 1:12

But now that you have come to know God, or rather to be known by God, how can you turn back again to the weak and worthless elementary principles of the world, whose slaves you want to be once more? (rhetorical question) – Galatians 4:9-10

Boasting in the Cross

Most of man’s boasting is worldly boasting. Look at my car! I got a 1580 on my SATs… That year I received a 5% raise… Look at my beautiful family…

How often I forget that boasting in what I do and what I possess without giving the glory to God is improper! Paul, the servant of Christ Jesus (Phil 1:1), asks: “What do you have that you did not receive? If then you received it, why do you boast as if you did not receive it?” (1 Corinthians 4:7)

As image bearers of God, we should be pointing people to God’s glory, not our own. Anything short of this is foolishness, for God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.

Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit”– yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.” As it is, you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil. So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin. – James 4:13-17

This passage in James often describes me. For me, I may not outrightly boast about my past. My tendency towards selfish boasting and self-glorification is more subtle than that. I resist boasting because I reason that I haven’t achieved a boast worthy status yet. I reason that after I add a few more things to my resume, one day, I can let others know that I am capable and worthy of praise.

Do I not realize, it is God who works in me to will and to do according to his good pleasure?

The solution for my desires for praise is not abandoning all my work and stopping my progress in achievement. The solution is to repent of my sin and do all that I do for the glory of God. The truth is, our lives will soon be past and only what is done for Christ will last. Therefore, I should work as to the Lord, and not unto men. My boast should be this: I am the chief of sinners… but Christ, he is completing his work in me. (Phil 1:6)

But far be it from me to boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world. – Gal 6:14

A Silly Question?

As Christians, we must ask why we do the things we do to see how we can apply Scripture and wisdom to our actions. It is a lifetime challenge to take every thought captive to Christ and to be renewed in our minds. But proper thinking is an essential for proper living and joy in righteousness. Therefore, asking and answering the right questions is an important step in our fight for joy.

Therefore I ask this question for the joy of singles:

When should a couple, (as a couple), do pre-marital counseling?

Obviously, before marriage, but what about before or after engagement? I don’t think my question is as silly as it sounds.

In many churches today, members get engaged, and then hurry into the pastor’s office to do some marriage counseling before they get married. It would be easy for me to buy into this tradition.

My friend told me he plans to do it differently. He plans to go through marriage counseling with the girl he’s interested in marrying before he gets engaged. That was the first time I heard of marriage counseling being done that way. What a wonderful idea! (Of course, I’m presuming pre-marital counseling provides a substantial amount of wisdom, discernment, and ground work for those who attend.)

When people get engaged, they set a wedding date and start planning for that big day. It seems like they have crossed a point of no return. Wouldn’t it be wiser for us to learn what God says about marriage and get our spiritual house in order before making that commitment? Once the girl has a ring on her finger, it will either be too late and hard for you to change your mind or an opportunity to emotionally traumatize yourself by giving your heart away to a girl who will not be your spouse.